Tuesday, January 31, 2012

New Things to Break and Old Axes to Grind


Good evening from the glorious confines of my microfiber couch. I have concluded that when Facebook has left me blind, deaf and dumb serenity can be found right here in the blog. Like a bar with no drinks you can assume that whatever it is you say may: 1. Never comes back to bite you in the ass 2. And you are allowed to exhaust your inner communist in that you dictate what is said and who gets to respond. So for just a few minutes of your life my dictatorship will defy any pluralist ideals you may have been holding onto.

D.H. Lawrence once wrote that men are obsessed with the conceited furniture of their minds. Had he written his great works during the "Digital Age" I am certain that he would have replaced furniture with Nikon & (Cough) Canon cameras. Guys like me never really get excited anymore about XMAS because we anxiously await the moment when our cash flows jump out and punch us in the teeth so as to encourage a capital asset or two. So just after complimentary ass whooping laid down by the likes of Jefferson, Franklin, & Lincoln I find myself in search of new technological playgrounds. With a conservative yet flexible search underway, a new toy gets dropped from the heavens lined with enough power to revive my soul after eating one of your mother's artistically designed casseroles. While I have often fallen victim to the scuttlebutt of owning the latest and greatest, I opted for a different approach when I decided to add this workhorse to the arsenal. Nikon has in fact released the D4 ($6000) and because I don't want to fall victim to a graham crackers and milk Thanksgiving, I opted for the former (D3). Even so, this camera is a supreme upgrade to my D700's and with the D700's being relegated to the backup QB position, I am already finding that results and handling justify the D3 price tag of $3000. Now the real test begins when wedding season gives way to madness and the only sound piercing my tree stump ears are the clicks of a shutter coated in Kevlar.

Now for some business advice and this is actually serious so listen up. If you are a small business owner you should:

1. Buy the Ipad for you will find an ocean of efficiency and convenience like you have never known. To me, this slice of technology represents a means to reach more customers while giving you the mobility to run your operation like you were "P-Diddy".  As a bonus, your ridiculous apps get to tag along for the ride so as to ensure you remain ADD forever.

2. Take a moment to learn business! So many of you have only 1/2 the equation in your pockets and that is very much like having NOTHING! Since you own the Ipad, check out ITunes U! No this isn't some college radio thing but a collection of universities all over the country who allow you to listen to real lectures. Some notables include the likes of Yale, Harvard, Cal, etc. It is in these places you can fill your cereal bowl with said business knowledge. If nothing else, the Small Business Administration has more than you could ever want and 99% of it is FREE! Words like marketing, accounting, and management should be your watchwords.

3. Call me up to say thanks for the tips and for providing the competition the tools needed to defeat you, the one who is good at something yet has no idea how to manage it. Small businesses are not fighting back enough in a time when banking as a whole seems barely lucid and your so-called leadership thinks the bills can be paid with empty promises. Take control and die smarter with an understanding that would make Mr. Buffett proud.

As a closing hymn to the lovely sermon provided, I will go on record to diss those who have used social  mediums as a means to audition for a spot on Oprah. I have news for you, she is no longer on the air. Know that you sound stupid and look like a fledgling hen who so desperately wants to be the rooster while you air your divorces, lost friends, etc. All of this is fine (in the proper venue)  but to mix it with your brand screams of someone using pseudo smoke to hide their technical deficiencies.That's right, I said your smoke isn't even real! Suggested reading includes "20 Do's and Dont's For Better Social Media Marketing". 

Ahh, that felt great!  

Cheers to Piss & Vinegar,